Programming

You can make a list of a hundred reasons why a toxic idea such as the caste system should not exist. But change will not happen that easily. A person who enjoys the benefits of the caste system will find a way to defend this system. Even if it means telling you that you are 'seriously damaged' because the way you are seeing things is warped. All jobs are equal. The problem is not in the caste system itself, but in how you are seeing a lower caste job as worse than a higher caste one.

You are the problem. You are not able to change your perception. And how dare you question a knowledge system you don't understand.

Such blatant bullshit, isn't it? All jobs are definitely not equal. If that were the case then defenders of the caste system should not object if the new rule is that they and their children should take up the sanitation jobs in the city.

Power Games

There are several stock ways that power is taken and held on to by certain people. One way that manipulation happens is through hierarchy. People with a place on top dictate terms.

"I am a higher caste person who has had access to knowledge, and I know better."

"I am a 'Guru', more spiritually advanced than you, so don't question me."

And of course it doesn't happen in the cultural space, with religion, caste or spirituality alone. It is the same case in the organized sector as well.

We see it in the modern, scientific world. "I am a doctor, I don't have time to deal with your questions. Simply swallow what I say."

"I am a teacher....and I said so."

The basic understanding is the same. "I am better than you."

Twisting

The 1944 movie Gaslight had a plot where the husband uses psychological manipulation and sets up situations in such a way that his wife slowly begins to question her thoughts, perceptions, reality and her sanity.

It gave us a term for a manipulative tactic that is ages old. It is a twisted tactic with a widespread use.

Point fingers and ask questions of the system. And they will twist it in such a way that you become the criminal.

In incidents of rape it shows up as victim blaming. When whistleblowers bring up the truth, they in turn are penalized.

The poet Shivansh Parashar Rahii beautifully sums it up in his lines "Laash Meri Hi Padi Hai Dekhiye, Aur Mujh Par Katal Ka Ilzaam Hai." "Look there lies my dead body, And the accusation of murder is on me."

Personally

The understanding in gaslighting is "There is something wrong with you."

The combination of "I am better than you." and "There is something wrong with you." becomes a very insidious combination.

When a relative loses their temper with you, they use the same understanding. You deserve it. They know better. The blame is no more on their 'out of control' outburst. But is now somehow on you. You not only do bad things, but you also provoke this person to behave badly.

It can also be seen in situations when a partner withdraws. They hold back from talking or engaging in a bid to punish you.

Don't You Dare

Most things around us are designed to make us feel small.

Big systems take power away from small communities and individual thinkers. It is a game of numbers. Bigger the numbers involved the more scared you should be to question them.

And then, even in local circles, people around you take on the position of custodians of the system.

You can't ask questions any longer. People firstly have no patience. Conversations should be strictly limited to small talk. And you can share your personal stuff. But god forbid you ask any questions about the world!

They will be quick to put you in your place. "Don't think you are so smart." "Oh! She is a Miss Know All" "You Think You Are Smarter Than All The Top People Of The World?".

It is highly likely that a good question can come from just about anybody. But people gradually suffocate the culture of asking questions.

Repetition

These tactics repeated constantly, become more potent.

I know wonderful people who are stuck. All because people around them have painted them into small, fixed boxes.

They are made to feel inadequate. And mostly because they don't fit into the requirement list of society.

"What have you achieved?" is a slap in the face rhetoric that is thrown to humiliate the person into silent submission.

"What have you seen in life?" is another one, used to make it seem as though one person's experience is vastly more substantial than another's.

These tactics are used so often that they begin to define the other person. The other person shrinks to fit in. They lose their capacity to fight or question the manipulation.

Learned Helplessness

"Why can't the person facing manipulation just leave? Don't tell me they can't do anything about it!"

In an experiment mice were held under water and observed. Every mouse that was held under water would frantically struggle to free itself. Some mice would be released soon after they began to struggle. While some mice would be held under water until they became tired and gave up struggling.

Subsequently they observed that mice from the first group who were rewarded for their struggle, and released early, would tend to fight for longer periods of time, under water. While mice who tasted the futility of their struggle under water the first time, would not even put up a fight the next time.

This was termed as learned helplessness. Where an organism learns to become helpless in a situation because it has perceived any struggle against it as futile.

Root Cause

No matter how many astrologers, mentors, advisers or self-help gurus and books you read, change is not possible until you perceive things differently.

You have to see yourself as no better or worse than anyone else.

Be okay with questions you would like to ask. AI won't ask any questions. We as humans learn by the questions that we ask, and that we hear other people asking.

You have to be that mouse that struggles and simply doesn't know that the outcome will be futile or not. You've got to give it your all. And celebrate even the smallest change.

You have to be okay with not being liked.

You have to choose better ways of relating to people. Simply choosing a position where you don't ruffle anyone's feathers, and mistaking that for peace, is not only short selling yourself but also short selling the idea of peace.

You have to take care of yourself. To come out of learned helplessness requires energy.

And it requires accepting responsibility. Choosing autonomy. Choosing respect.

It is a matter of choosing yourself. And not letting go. Don't let go of the question. Don't shrink into another's definition of who you are. Always say what's on your mind.

No one likes being in this unpleasant situation that calls for a constant rebuttal of a manipulative voice. But it is only a matter of sinking your teeth in, and not letting go.

And things around you begin to change, slowly and surely.

Swings Both Ways

Every time you work towards a system that is more fair for you, you have made it better for everyone in the system.

People are not usually evil. Their manipulative tendencies come from their own programming. That is they way they have seen the world function and that is the only way they see of making it work. No one can be free in a manipulative system.

Though change is not easy, it is possible.

And it is worth working towards.